That's my 5'-1" French firecracker of a Mom - It's summer time, hot at about 10ish in the morning. I've just finished my chores, and she has just finished telling me how she didn't want me riding my bike about 2 miles up to the El Camino Real, ditch it behind the garbage cans at Bell's Market, and thumbing a ride with a Gravel truck about 15 miles up to the Stevens Creek Reservoir, swim for a few hours and do the same in reverse to jet back home before the dinner bell. She thought I was too young to be hitch hiking at 10 years old.
Actually, what she said was "You're too young to be hitching, don't let me catch you . . . and than all the other stuff. . . .
At least that's what I heard;
Later that night after I'd get caught (because of my older brother's big mouth) my Dad . . . . during his ear bleed of a lecture would accuse me of "Selective Hearing" and give me what I called "edge-of-grass" grounding for 1 week.
"If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear".
- Pooh's Little Instruction Book
Do you watch people when you're talking? Can you tell within a few seconds what type of person they are by the way they DON'T HEAR YOU?
Did you know that most people can be identified by the way they listen or more correctly by the way they AREN'T Listening?
There are people, who instead of listening to what is being said to them, are already listening to what they are going to say themselves." - Albert Guinon
There are a number of different ways people DON'T listen, take a look at the list below:
Selective: you hear only the parts of a conversation that is of interest to you. You're really not interested in what the person is saying, because you have your own agenda.
Rehearsing: is when you are thinking in your head of what you are going to say next while the other person is talking.
Judging: is when you prejudge someone either because you view them as stupid or incompetent. You write off anything they say because you do not value their opinion.
Identifying: are you the type that can relate to everything a person tells you to your own experience, and you take over the conversation where you find a related moment - never allowing the other person to finish?
Advising: You're talking and someone in the group jumps into the middle of the conversation and starts giving you their expertise on the subject you're trying to discuss, and you never do get to finish what it was you were trying to say.
Sparring: Have you had someone that has to get in their two cents, and their two cents is always different than yours? They find reasons to disagree with you, without acknowledging that you may have a valid but different point of view?
Put-Down: This is where you start to make sarcastic remarks about the other person you're sparring with. You do it intentionally to put-down their point of view. Most of the time this type of non-listening can escalate to a hostile situation.
Being Right: Do you go to almost any length to avoid being wrong? Do you twist things around and even add things (nice way to say lie) to the conversation to make your point of view seem better or the right choice, you can't be corrected and you won't listen to any suggestions.
Derailing: This is when you change the subject because you're bored or uncomfortable with the conversation. You sometimes joke it off or simple ignore what the other person is saying.
Smoothing-Over: You want to be nice so you pretend to understand what the other person is saying with comments like "right. . . of course. . . . I agree. . . uh,huh. . . really. . ." You are a half listener - just enough to make an acceptable comment, but you're really not involved in the conversation at all.
Want to be a better listener yourself? Start paying attention to how people aren't listening to you. Don't approach this with the intent of correcting others, but instead use it to improve your listening skills.
ACTION PLAN;
1) Go over the list above, maybe copy it and keep it around.
2) Next time you're in a conversation, don't tell them anything, just pay close attention to how the other person is listening.
3) After you're done with the conversation write down any listening block they just used.
Note: you will find this fascinating because you're going to find yourself saying, "Hey, I don't believe it, that guy just "derailed me" or "smoothed me over."
4) Now pay attention to what you do when it's your turn to listen and pay attention to any Listening Blocks you use and write them down.
Note: you may find that if you are a blocker that you may use different ones for different people
"Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, LISTENING, to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering."
- Pooh's Little Instruction Book
