Eleven Myths of De-Cluttering - By Gretchen Rubin

One of my great realizations about happiness (and a point oddly underemphasized by positive psychologists) is that outer order contributes to inner calm. But as much as most of us want to keep our home, office, car, etc., in reasonable order, it’s tough. Here’s a list of some myths of de-cluttering that make it harder to get rid of stuff.
Myths of Cluttering:

1. "I need to get organized." No! Don't get organized is your first step.

2. "I need to be hyper-organized." I fully appreciate the pleasure of having a place for everything, and perhaps counter intuitively, I believe it’s easier to put things away in an exact place, rather than a general place (“the third shelf of the coat closet,” not “a closet.”) However, this impulse can become destructive: If you’re spending a lot of time alphabetizing your spices, organizing your shoes according to heel height, creating 80 categories for your home files, etc., consider whether you need to be quite so precisely organized. I find this particularly true with toys—I’ve spent hours sorting pretend food, Polly Pockets pieces, and tea sets, only to find everything a jumble the next day.

3. "I need some more inventive storage containers." See no. 1. If you get rid of everything you don’t need, you may not need any fancy containers.

4. "I need to find the perfect recipient for everything I’m getting rid of." It’s easier to get rid of things when you know that you’ll be giving them to someone who can use them, but don’t let this kind intention become a source of clutter itself. I have a friend who has multiple piles all over her house, each lovingly destined for a particular recipient. This is generous and thoughtful, but it contributes mightily to clutter. Try to find one or two good recipients, or if you really want to move your ex-stuff in multiple directions, create some kind of rigid system for moving it along quickly.

5. "I can’t get rid of anything that I might possibly need one day." How terrible would it be if you needed a glass jar and didn’t have one? Do you have gigantic stores of things like rubber bands or ketchup packets? How many coffee mugs does one family use?

6. "I might get that gizmo fixed." Face it. If you’ve had something for more than six months, and it’s still not repaired, it’s clutter.

7. "I might learn how to use that gizmo." Again, face it. If you’ve had a gizmo on the shelf for a year, and you’ve never used it to make gelato or label a sugar jar, it’s clutter.

8. "I might lose a ton of weight and then I’d fit into these clothes again." If you lose a bunch of weight, you’ll want to buy a new pair of jeans, not a pair you bought seven years ago.

9. "I need to keep this as a memento of a happy time." I’m a huge believer in mementos; remembering happy times in the past gives you a big happiness boost in the present. But ask yourself: Do I need to keep all these T-shirts to remind me of college, or can I keep a few? Do I need to keep an enormous desk to remind me of my grandfather, or can I use a photograph? Do I need 50 finger-painted pictures by my toddler, or is one enough to capture this time of life? Mementos work best when they’re carefully chosen—and when they don’t take up much room!

10. "I need to keep this, because the person who gave it to me might visit my house and be hurt when it’s not on display." Is that person really likely to visit? Is that person really likely to remember the gift? Will the person really be upset by the lack of viewing of the gift?

11. "If I have any available space, I should fill it up with something." No! One of my Secrets of Adulthood is Somewhere, keep an empty shelf. I know where my empty shelf is, and I treasure it.

Living and Leading by Example

As usual my Taekwondo family, wife Barbie and my children have been more than just generous with their time, efforts, and love this season; writing letter to our Troops, collecting jackets for the less fortunate, and presents for kids that can’t be home with their family for whatever reason. These deeds are more than just being generous, they show the ability to Leading by Example, and have and is rooted in the quote from Margaret Mead;

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can

change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.

Here’s what they have been up to this holiday season:

Letters to the Troops;
Our student, parents, and friends from Facebook got involved with this project and we sent out over 60 letters to the troops in Iraq and Afghanistan. Our letters were added to packages and presents that Operation: With Love From Home was sending over seas the 1st week of December.

After having a mat chat about being grateful and appreciating the things we have and the people that make that possible our students got busy with their letter writing. From our little dragons to our adults with their pictures and words of gratitude, concern, and love for all our troops do for us.

Jacket Collection for Those in Need
I put up a flyer, had a Mat Chat, and Elaine brought in 2 coat stands, and within 1 week we had enough jackets and sweaters hanging on them to break one. Thank You to my students and parents – so far we’ve collected 64 Jackets and Sweaters and will be dropping them off at the shelter this week. Coat racks are empty again so lets get busy with our 2nd collection.

Giving Tree program
We hung gift ornaments on our school tree, each one representing a child in need at the Valley of the Moon Receiving Home our Students & Parents made sure that each child’s gift wishes were filled. Basket balls, MP3 players, Lego’s, Yugio cards & Portable CD players were just some of the great gifts orders our school was able to share. Also with the help from Charleen Price, Dr Michael Rosenthal & Dr Raj Anand we were able to also donate over 100 tooth brushes and 125 tubes of tooth paste.

Present for Los Guilucos Kids
Thank You’s and hugs for the hard work from our daughter Kim and the generous donation from Marietta Corporation, 130 gift packages of special soaps, shampoos, hand lotions, and cream rinses that would normal go to a fancy 5 star hotel got Christmas wrapped by Mrs H bows put on by Kadi & Danielle and dropped off for the kids that won’t be at home this holiday season at Los Guilucos Juvenile Center

Poem from "What the River Knows"

"The best six doctors anywhere,
And no one can deny it,

Are sunshine, water, rest, and air,

Exercise and diet.

These six will gladly you attend,

If only you are willing.

Your mind they'll ease.

Your will they'll mend.

And charge you not a shilling."

Wayne Fields

When Good Role Models Turn Bad

Our 24/7 life style that has become the norm gives our children instant contact with everything; funny videos on YouTube, A-Rod lying about steroids, an innocent entertaining game on Nickelodeon, and Chris Brown attacking his girlfriend Rihanna, sharing pics on Facebook with friends and family, Michael Phelps smoking marijuana, texting back and forth with their best friend, and now Tiger Woods alleged affairs.

As a parent it has become near impossible to keep your child from viewing or reading today’s news, and having chat sessions with their piers about the details. We all know that what your child’s friends say will carry a tremendous amount of weight as to how he/she will view the world, and react to their favorite celebrities go or bad.

I believe this is all very solid evidence that allowing celebrates to have to much input into our children's lives will back-fire. As a parent or grand parent we should be auditing what our kids think at the same pace the media is supplying them with every sorted detail of the most resent indiscretions of any number of celebs.

It is some sort of insane parenting that thinks we can lie when we need to, drink excessively because of stress or under the disguise of “letting off a little steam, we're just enjoying our friends" or express no opinion, (or even worse a condoning one) when a politician, minister, ball player, actor, neighbor, or relative does something that is just WRONG. . . . . are we of the thinking our kids are deaf, dumb, and blind??

I just shake my head at the parent that will chat on the phone with their best friend about the current celeb phupa, laughing and joking about it while their child is sitting in the next room, or in the back seat of the SUV listening and forming their own accepting or condoning opinion based on their parent’s conversation. Ask that parent if they think their Johnny or Sally was listening and everytime they will say "NO". . . . perfect example of insane parenting in action.

The Teachable Moments;

You’re taking your kids to school driving along and the radio updates Tiger Woods affair with still yet another women coming forward. You’ve talked about this a few days ago with your kids, and told them how upset, ashamed of, and mad you are at Tiger for what he has done, the bad example he has set. You’ve said it was wrong and will be turning off any commercial he is in. Listen Carefully – that was then this is now, repeat your words every time the media repeats theirs do so until your kids yell "OK, OK we get it please stop talking about this, our ears are bleeding and throbbing. We understand he was wrong!!!!"

Why do people have bumper stickers that say “If you’re not outraged about the war in Afghanistan and Iraq than you must not be paying attention” but have no opinion or outrage about the lousy morals right here in their country that are polluting our kids. And, mind you this pollution isn’t happening every once in a while, it’s happening every time the media updates the news, and it’s posted to your child’s RSS feed on their computer or phone.

Daily . . . we need to be the living examples of what we want our children to become.

Your child should have YOU and their GRANDPARENTS as their heroes, as the people they look up to, as the kind of person they want to become. No matter what occupation they choice to pursue, or whom ever they decide to marry your values should guide them through life. When your kids need to make the right choice it should be a no-brainer for them because you guiding principals are firmly planted in their mind.

Be able to look your kids in the eye and say, "that’s wrong, don’t do it", and be able to back it up with your past action. Be able to say "I didn’t do that", and if you did do it in the past, be able to say "I learned how wrong it was and don’t do it anymore. I was wrong to think that way".

Live the kind of life . . . right now . . . that you would want your child to live when you’re gone.

Not sure what’s right or wrong, not sure of what is an OK principal or value to pass along to your kids?? Maybe you never got any guiding principals as a child growing up, everything you learned was by trial and error, and fortunately you turned out OK. Cool – now ask yourself “do you want your kids to go through that kind of Hell”

Not sure what your values are or what your guiding principals should be?
Here is a simple way to get started;
Write the eulogy you would want your children to be able to say at your funeral, without stretching the true, or leaving things out, no bullshit, no lies or embellishments, just the simple truth of who you were and what you stood for when you were alive. Make those words into your guiding principals, and use them every time you need to update your kids.

Stay Health and Strong

Can You Guess What This Is ???

It is not made of precious stone, or metal, just thread.

It is not beautiful and vibrant in color, rather it takes
on all color, and after a while reminds us of the soil

found in a prosperous gardens, rich in darkness.

It is not to be worshipped, but begs the owner practice
humility. It is not awarded because of time, favor
or chance but bestowed after it is earned.

It is recognized by others who have one because they know the
journey, and yet it is respected by those who do not have
one because of the journey’s reputation.

It is indicative of the challenge that eventually conquers fear,
ego, and pride, but not mankind; a journey that builds
character and discipline, not monuments.

It is not exclusive but available to whoever wants to make
the commitment and see it through to the finish. It gets better
with aging and becomes threadbare because of continual practice.

It is an end that is a beginning, and brings to mind service,

self respect, and a celebration of the greatness mankind is
capable of. If I lose it I will not be lost, because it is
an outward symbol of an inward quest.

Catholic Cords, Cuddies and Bullying - Childhood Nightmare

Be the change you want to see in the world. - Gandhi, Mahatma
I’m going on 58 years old and have a bullying experience that has stayed with me for a long long time, a childhood nightmare you might say.

Kind of hoping by writing it down it will stop having so much importance, and to remind parents, teachers, yard-duty help and anybody in a position to make a difference to stop ignoring verbal bullying, stop acting like it’s not your job to step-in, stop saying kids-will-be-kids, and have the damn courage to be the change you are expecting from others.

A little back ground info first, our family of 6 kids moved to Santa Clara from Arcadia (L.A. area) in 1957, there my 3 older brothers and I went to Catholic school, but when we moved to Santa Clara my parents switched to public school. And with 6 kids and my mom learned early to save every piece of clothing that didn’t have a 2 inch hole in it, my mom knew how to sow so small holes were no big deal – just darn-it up good as new.

With that being said here it is - I’m in the 6th grade Jefferson Junior High, I’ve been growing like a weed and hand-me-down clothing from my brothers was pretty much the norm for me. So when my mom reaches into the bottom drawer and pulls out a pair of 3 year old, belonged to my brother Bob, Catholic uniform, grey corduroy pants for me to wear I thought nothing of it. Actually I remember feeling pretty good about these pants fitting me for a change, and having no holes that have been mended. Remember now Levys were the only pants a boy worn back then.

So off to junior high I go, get to the gate a few minutes early and am waiting for the teacher to unlock it, going to hit the playground running for morning recess. Up walks a couple of kids and immediately I hear laughing, I look around to see what’s so funny and realize it’s me. Understand I still don’t get the joke, why are they laughing and pointing at me, and than I hear “catholic pant eew you have cuddies”. I try to defend myself, but like most kids that have been bully victims words don’t come quick, or sound cool, and my come-back is as dumb as the pants.

I gave some quick thoughts to running home, but the trouble I’d get into from my mom for that move would be unbearable, and besides she wouldn’t get it or let me change pants and I’d be late for school. So in my head I go to plan B – and say to myself “this is an isolated incident nobody else will even notice”. Oh God was I wrong, - that was the most miserable day. I actually had a group of kids that spent the day following me around taunting me with a continual choir of “catholic pants” and what ever name they choice at that moment. They would pick me up as I walked out of my classroom and start right in. They actually recruit other kids (rather successfully) to join them as I went out for morning recess, lunch, and 2nd recess.

When my school day ended I ran home changed into my cut-offs and hide the pants. The next day, I wore an older different pair of pants, which they immediately found something wrong with.

The damage had been done, and until they found something new to tease me about or someone else to tease that was how my day would go. I learned to hate school, and consider adults with distain because of the lack of care or concern on their part.

When it’s time adults need to step-up, step-in and say something - be the courage your expecting other people to have – it will make a difference.

Amazing Grace Techno - Computer Controlled Christmas Lights from Richard Holdman on Vimeo.

Kid in Church

3-year-old Reese :

'Our Father, Who does art in heaven,

Harold is His name.

Amen.'

__________________________

A little boy was overheard praying:

'Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it.

I'm having a real good time like I am.'

______________________________________________

After the christening of his baby brother in church,

Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.

His father asked him three times what was wrong.

Finally, the boy replied,

'That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home,

and I wanted to stay with you guys.'

_____________________________________________

One particular four-year-old prayed,

'And forgive us our trash baskets

as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.'

____________________________________________

A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they

were on the way to church service,

'And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?'

One bright little girl replied,

'Because people are sleeping.'

_____________________-_____________________

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3

The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.

Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.

'If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,

'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'

Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,

___________________________________________

A father was at the beach with his children

when the four-year-old son ran up to him,

grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore

where a seagull lay dead in the sand..

'Daddy, what happened to him?' the son asked.

'He died and went to Heaven,' the Dad replied.

The boy thought a moment and then said,

'Did God throw him back down?'

__________________________________________

A wife invited some people to dinner.

At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said,

'Would you like to say the blessing?'

'I wouldn't know what to say,' the girl replied.

'Just say what you hear Mommy say,' the wife answered.

The daughter bowed her head and said,

'Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?'

Dealing with Depression

To be free of destructive stress don't sweat the small stuff and by realizing that . . . all stuff is small.
Author Unknown

December is Seasonal Depression Awareness month and with the shortest days of the year falling in December, this is the peak time for Seasonal Affective Disorder or SAD

My wife Barbie and I have come up with a good way of working through SAD, we know it’s coming, and we know we need to prepare for it, the cold weather and a change in daylight triggers a sort of thought process that we have come to understand well enough to not get to upset when it sets in. We realize like many animals that we share this earth with winter is completely different than spring, summer and even fall, and because of this it needs to be approached with a completely different focus.

When the weather changes we know we are also in for some changes both physically, and mentally and after many years of struggling have learned to compare those changes to what many animals do when they see and feel this seasonal change “Hibernate”.

Now please understand there are different types of hibernation, I’m not saying we are like the Big Brown Bats that fatten up and sleep from October until April, or like the Woodland Frog that finds shelter under leaves and dirt during the winter and freeze only to thaw out and wake up in the spring, or even like a ladybug that spends the winter in a state of sleep known as diapause.

No my friend this is what is called a True Hibernation and as much as I would love to fall asleep one month and wake up months later, I don’t see me being able to keep my kids and grandkids away that long, and I like food to much to miss that many meal. Think about it, that would mean eating enough at Thanksgiving to be able to sleep until Easter. . . don’t think so, not going to happen

No, our version of hibernation is more like the "Torpor" type, our body temperature goes down so we cover ourselves with layers of clothing our heart rate slows down because we are much less active (lots of time spent on the couch in the den watching reruns and napping) but unlike some hibernators we are able to wake up, move around some and the most important part we can eat a snack every so often, we have found keeping a black berry pie available on the counter an important part of our Winter Hibernation Ritual or WHR as we like to call it.

Most people think of the Bear any time you talk about hibernating, as the cold months set in bears go into their dens to wait out the ugly winter. Mostly sleeping during this time they will however wake up and move around, but (and this is a real important issue) they rely on the fat they stored earlier way back in the Fall, no no I think not, not my style at all. I personal like being compared with the Richardson Ground Squirrel instead of the Bear.

This little guy has the right idea of just how to spend the cold winter months, first thing I like is that as the weather changes he sends his children out to bring in the necessary food they will need. Instead of deep deep sleep he will wake up and walk around his den making sure his stuff is OK. And, the most important part of his winter ritual is that he makes sure to eat a little snack every so often, obviously to maintain a minimal amount of strength and energy. Now my friends that’s much more my style.

But the truth be told, it doesn’t matter what your style is during the WINTER month. I think the following is important to understand. Your NOT suppose to get as much done during this time of year, so stop worrying about it. Winter is different than the other three seasons, and there is a time of year when you are expected to slow down and go about your day with a different type of energy, it’s OK that you don’t get as much accomplished during the winter season.

So, with this information maybe you can look at winter from a different perspective than in the past, because stuff will always be there and our stuff is only as big as we make it.

Smile and Change Your Moment

Are you having a tough time, things not going the way you’re expecting? Maybe you’re tired, and still have quite a bit still to do. Been a long, long seminar and you still have 3 or 4 hours to go, picking up your child from school and realize you have some bad attitude left over from work, pulled into the driveway and know you have to be focused for the evening of family do. I have the easiest of ways to help that problem, The Smile for You poem.

"If you see a friend without a smile - give him one of yours" Proverb

Carry this poem on a small business card, or better yet memorize this little poem and when you need a little change in attitude to accomplish a particular goal, a little bit more focus to get the job done this will make a difference. A person always does a better job, has a clearer head, more enthusiasm when they have a positive attitude. Want to have some fun with this, print it on the back of your business card, and pass it on each time you give one out, watch as people take a second to read it and then smile – it works.

But, mostly taking a moment to pass the smile back to yourself when you’re struggling this is the best way to make an immediate change in your attitude.

Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy. ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

Smiling is infectious; you catch it like the flu,
When someone smiled at me today, I started smiling to.

I passed around the corner and someone saw my grin,

when he smiled I realized I’d passed it on to him.

I thought about that smile then I realized its worth,
 a single smile, just like mine could travel around the earth.

So, if you feel a smile begin, don’t leave it undetected
let’s start an epidemic, quick, and get the world infected!

Happy Thanksgiving

"For flowers that bloom about our feet;
 For tender grass, so fresh, so sweet;
 For song of bird, and hum of bee;
 For all things fair we hear or see,
 Father in heaven, we thank Thee !"
     - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Making Thanksgiving Day Count

I love this day, I love everything about it, my wish would be to have every single member of my family around for a wonderful day finished off by sitting down together for a marvelous dinner. “Holy Crap” you say “that would be like some form of ritualistic torture in my family!!”

Our family is extensive with brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, grand kids, great grand kids from all 5 of my siblings. We have a big family that has what seems to be the unusual ability to get along, we don’t agree on all things, and have different views on politics, religion, raising our children, money, and pretty much any topic but, we know how to get together and get along. We don’t have to spend Thanksgiving Day convincing anyone that our opinion is the winning one.

Is most of our conversation guarded, maybe to some extent - So What, you don't think we know what works and what doesn’t work, each of us knows what it would take to stir the pot, create controversy and start an argument on any number of topics. . . we just choose not to.

"In every conceivable manner, the family is link to our past, bridge to our future." Alex Haley

Many people would call this fake, or shallow, putting on airs. I call it respectful; have courtesy, being humble, I call it having gratitude. It is the reason Thanksgiving Day was start, it wasn’t to get together and get drunk, argue with that one family member you can’t stomach, or avoid getting together because “we don’t get along, all we do is argue.” What a bunch of self-center ego-driven, Crap.

Hello, wake up it’s not about you, it’s about giving thanks for ALL you have. And mostly it’s the perfect time for you and your generation to pass along the do’s and don’t of family to your younger members. What better day to teach gratitude, is there a better time to show cooperation, can you think of a more true definition of family?

I think this is an Art, Ya an Art Form and one that for some unconceivable reason may be quickly coming to a close. And I know the people most hurt by this Art Form dying away are our children, we are in the process of creating generations of kids that are becoming more self-centered with each passing year.

The saddest thing is that we have the best tool at our disposal to keep this from happening if we would only use it. . . FAMILY, and special days like Thanksgiving.

Put aside everything (especially your differences) for a day of Thanks, Love, and Gratitude be that special person that makes this day what it was intended for - Thanks for giving you the Family you have.

“To put the world right in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life; we must first set our hearts right.” – Confucius

Quote from M Twain

In regards to our economy issues; It isn't the sum you get, it's how much you can buy with it, that's the important thing; and it's that that tells whether your wages are high in fact or only high in name.
- A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court

Letters to Our Soldiers this Holiday Season

A simple letter telling them they are appreciated can mean so much when they are stationed far away from home, friends and family, and put in dangerous places and situations. It helps them remember the people and the freedoms for which they fight. Be as supportive and positive as you can when writing to soldiers

We will need to receive your letters by December 5th

Drop them by our school 18909 Sonoma Hwy Sonoma, Ca.
or e-mail them to sabum9@sbcglobal.net and
we will make sure your letter gets sent along.

Not sure how to write a good letter go here for a simple guideline
Sonoma Valley Resource

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. --Aldous Huxley

I get this morning e-mail from the wonderful people at Hazelden. Todays is such a great read I had to repost it here If you would like to recieve stuff from them go here; Hazelden.org

This is a hard concept for us addicts to get. We believed avoidance was a form of self-care. Our illness depended on our ability to deny its existence. Only when we were bleeding out of every pore of our body, were we willing to admit that maybe there was a slight problem. We were afraid of the facts. To face the facts meant dealing with betraying our illness. It meant admitting we were lost and in need of help from others.

Recovery, from Step One on, is about confronting our issues straight on. We take personal inventory a lot in order to break through our denial and bond with the truth. We face, directly when possible, the people we have hurt because the fact is we have hurt many and we have a responsibility to try to help heal these wounds. As we do these actions, we watch ourselves become stronger. Our confidence – not arrogance – grows. Do we always like facing the facts? No! But our lives aren't based only on feelings anymore. They are based on doing the next right thing.

Prayer for the Day
Higher Power, with Your help and guidance I can break through my wall of denial. Show me the things I need to face.

Today's Action
Sometime during the day, I will sit down and make a list of issues I am avoiding. I'll commit to talking with my sponsor about what is on the list.

Other peoples grass

when thinking today I came away with this . . . . . is the grass always greener on the other side because, well maybe they just water their grass better than I water mine?

Holy Crap, maybe all I really gotta do is stop staring over the fence at their grass with that stupid come-hither glazed-over, poor-pathetic me look on my face and put some serious effort into my own damn grass.

100 Books Every High School Student Should Read

Found this on Twitter, and think it's a great list:

When preparing for college, one of the smartest moves a high schooler can make is to read, read, read. This is especially true of literary classics. Many of the books covered on this list also surface in university literature classes, so high school students can facilitate their college workloads by knowing the classics before they become required reading. Students should also keep in mind that classics are classics for a reason: they are good books about the nature of the human condition. They reveal something magical about the workings of the world. They are invaluable to the person attempting to become an academic. The following books encompass nearly every genre: the lighthearted tales of Johnathan Swift’s Gulliver’s Travles to the dark fate of George Orwell’s 1984. Read one or read them all, but either way, enjoy and prepare to be enlightened.This List is from Accredited Online Colleges.Org

Click Here to see Books List

Definition of "Good Intentions"

"I don't see much sense in that," said Rabbit. "No," said Pooh humbly, "there isn't. But there was going to be when I began it. It's just that something happened to it along the way." Winnie the Pooh

. . . and so hows your day going

I’ll bet if you ask most any women how she puts on her makeup she will be able to step by step tell you and explain why certain things go on before other things, and how this way is the quickest way to do it.

For the ease of it I’m just going to call this “Creating Systems”. Corporations use this phrase or something like it, the martial arts industry uses it to explain how a person should do everything from enrolling a new student to having a birthday party.

Some call it their way of doing things others say it is the right way to do it I have a few systems in place that are there because that’s how I was taught.

We all do it to a certain extent, some because of need, some because trial and error has shown them the best way to do something, and some because they really want to accomplish or complete things.

I have a system put together for my morning. I very methodically go about the process of getting my day started, I’ll bet you do to, right. The night before I setup the coffee maker, I make sure my glasses are in the same place every night, and so on.

So, once we step back and look at it we have thousands of little systems that complete tasks for us all day long, from washing our hair, brushing our teeth, how we like to have the seat fixed in the car, a certain way to fix our coffee each and every time, doing the laundry, getting kids ready, you name it we probable have a system for it.

What is the biggest difference between people that accomplish things and those that don't? Why is it that some people seem to really get a lot done while others seem to be doing a lot and only getting a little done?

Look at the tasks you have that you do every day?

Do some of your tasks have a weak system in place? Do some of them have an incomplete system in place or a system that doesn’t get the job all the way completed?

And, because of a weak and incomplete system, I’ll bet these tasks interfere with most other tasks we’re doing keeping us from accomplishing as much as we should on a day to day bases, it could be something as simple as putting a tool back when we are done so that it is in the same place every time we need it.

Action Plan:
How about we spend some time this week listing our tasks and grading the systems we have in place that complete those tasks.
How about we grade our systems for each job we do on a simple scale from 1 to 10.
10 being obviously perfect and a score of 4 for anything that doesn’t get the job completed.
Our goal should be to score a 7 or 8 on all our tasks.
Any task that doesn’t score that high should get a hard look at the system in place and changes made to improve it.

And remember, if we have had a weak system in place for years and haven’t paid much attention to accomplishing this task in a system like manner it’s not going to fix itself quickly. It may take many tries to get something in place that works well and completes the task.

Teaching Self Confidence

“Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh," he whispered. "Yes, Piglet?" "Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw, "I just wanted to be sure of you."

Before we begin talking about self confidence, I would like to clarify what I think a quality Martial Arts program and a Senior Instructor should be able to do for their community.

Martial arts should be able to assist a parent in building many strong, positive traits in a child. One of the First goals of a quality martial arts class is to reinforce the positive goals and values of the parents and families that have entrusted their children to them, teaching punching and kicking should be taught but not at the expense of life skills - they come first.

Our goals as master instructors is service, assistance, and guidance, to our families. It should never be just about a student(s) honoring an instructor, but instead an instructor honoring the position of trust bestowed on him - giving back one hundred fold that which he receives.

Self Confidence Issues;
A child with good self confidence is easy to spot in a crowd. He or she possesses a bright, engaging smile and a positive attitude. Effortlessly, this child makes friends and accepts leadership opportunities.

Timid and shy children, however, are too often relegated to the sidelines. For these children, their problems start small; a child who can't interact with his or her peers has a hard time look an adult in the eye, or won't step into a game or program because they lack confidence.

But as a child grows so to do these problems, and before long this child is the target of bullies, susceptible to peer pressure and withdrawn in the classroom, playground, and possible at home. Kids like this are called "painfully shy" for good reason, for them it must be very emotionally painful to be in this place.

A child with self-confidence problems needs to improve his or her self-esteem. Here are some of the characteristics of a child with low self-esteem, followed by ways to assist a child with their self confidence issues;
Timid and shy
Loner, not a leader
Bully magnet
Fear of failure
Peer pressure

The Look of Confidence
What does confidence look like, and why is “Looking Confident” important? Muggers that were interviewed from their jail cell said the same thing over and over, how a person physically presented themselves when passing by the mugger was extremely important and in many cases it was the determining factor in the mugger choosing to pursue that person.

There are some definite physical qualities involved in projecting the look of confidence. These qualities include:
• Great posture
• Good eye contact
• Strong and controlled voice

Great Posture;
Our posture communicates what we think of ourselves long before we ever open our mouth to speak one single word. Most people get a significant portion of their first impression of us from how we walk, stand, sit and in general how we physically present ourselves.

Eye Contact;
Making eye contact with someone yelling at your child, a bully at school, a mugger or an abductor seems small, but can be the only difference between your child becoming one of their victims or not. Good eye contact tells people you are focused on them, confident in yourself, and could possible describe the person to authorities if needed.


Strong, Controlled Voice:
Great posture and good eye contact are the perfect starting points to presenting a confidence that people notice, and acknowledge, adding a strong controlled voice reinforces this and tells others "you are someone to be listened to". Whether you are trying to get your point of view across to someone, part of a group that is working on a project together, or making sure a play ground bully or a would-be assailant is stopped in their tracks, the child with a confidence in their stride, eyes and voice will be considered the leader, and the person to be listened to.

Let me ask you, have you ever been around a person that is loud for no particular reason, but is just naturally very loud? Do they keep your interest or make you want to leave the area? How about someone that gets loud when they want to make sure their point of view is heard, does it ever convince you that they are right just because they are loud or do you tend to end the conversation quickly and leave. Does loud convey confidence, or insecurity? I don't think this is the way you want you child to present themselves.

Click Here - If you would like to print, e-mail or read the complete article that gives you
• Great ideas so you could practice with your child
• What to avoid when working on your child’s confidence. and
• How a martial arts classes will help


Learn more about how martial arts addresses specific problems related to a lack of confidence and other important issues. Call us today Sonoma Taekwondo Center 707-935-7118 or drop us an e-mail at sabum9@sbcglobal.net

Things Learned the Hard Way

Sent to me by a good high school friend - I Love These:

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance. Just get up and dance.

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

14. Your friends love you anyway.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

"Did you hear what I'm saying?" "Yes Mom, I heard you, I heard you". "You'd better listen to what I said". "I will!!! Can I go now?"

That's my 5'-1" French firecracker of a Mom - It's summer time, hot at about 10ish in the morning. I've just finished my chores, and she has just finished telling me how she didn't want me riding my bike about 2 miles up to the El Camino Real, ditch it behind the garbage cans at Bell's Market, and thumbing a ride with a Gravel truck about 15 miles up to the Stevens Creek Reservoir, swim for a few hours and do the same in reverse to jet back home before the dinner bell. She thought I was too young to be hitch hiking at 10 years old.

Actually, what she said was "You're too young to be hitching, don't let me catch you . . . and than all the other stuff. . . .

At least that's what I heard;

Later that night after I'd get caught (because of my older brother's big mouth) my Dad . . . . during his ear bleed of a lecture would accuse me of "Selective Hearing" and give me what I called "edge-of-grass" grounding for 1 week.


"If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear".
- Pooh's Little Instruction Book

Do you watch people when you're talking? Can you tell within a few seconds what type of person they are by the way they DON'T HEAR YOU?

Did you know that most people can be identified by the way they listen or more correctly by the way they AREN'T Listening?

There are people, who instead of listening to what is being said to them, are already listening to what they are going to say themselves." - Albert Guinon
There are a number of different ways people DON'T listen, take a look at the list below:

Selective: you hear only the parts of a conversation that is of interest to you. You're really not interested in what the person is saying, because you have your own agenda.


Rehearsing: is when you are thinking in your head of what you are going to say next while the other person is talking.

Judging: is when you prejudge someone either because you view them as stupid or incompetent. You write off anything they say because you do not value their opinion.

Identifying: are you the type that can relate to everything a person tells you to your own experience, and you take over the conversation where you find a related moment - never allowing the other person to finish?

Advising: You're talking and someone in the group jumps into the middle of the conversation and starts giving you their expertise on the subject you're trying to discuss, and you never do get to finish what it was you were trying to say.

Sparring: Have you had someone that has to get in their two cents, and their two cents is always different than yours? They find reasons to disagree with you, without acknowledging that you may have a valid but different point of view?

Put-Down: This is where you start to make sarcastic remarks about the other person you're sparring with. You do it intentionally to put-down their point of view. Most of the time this type of non-listening can escalate to a hostile situation.

Being Right: Do you go to almost any length to avoid being wrong? Do you twist things around and even add things (nice way to say lie) to the conversation to make your point of view seem better or the right choice, you can't be corrected and you won't listen to any suggestions.

Derailing: This is when you change the subject because you're bored or uncomfortable with the conversation. You sometimes joke it off or simple ignore what the other person is saying.

Smoothing-Over: You want to be nice so you pretend to understand what the other person is saying with comments like "right. . . of course. . . . I agree. . . uh,huh. . . really. . ." You are a half listener - just enough to make an acceptable comment, but you're really not involved in the conversation at all.

Want to be a better listener yourself? Start paying attention to how people aren't listening to you. Don't approach this with the intent of correcting others, but instead use it to improve your listening skills.

ACTION PLAN;

1) Go over the list above, maybe copy it and keep it around.

2) Next time you're in a conversation, don't tell them anything, just pay close attention to how the other person is listening.

3) After you're done with the conversation write down any listening block they just used.

Note: you will find this fascinating because you're going to find yourself saying, "Hey, I don't believe it, that guy just "derailed me" or "smoothed me over."

4) Now pay attention to what you do when it's your turn to listen and pay attention to any Listening Blocks you use and write them down.

Note: you may find that if you are a blocker that you may use different ones for different people

"Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, LISTENING, to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering."
- Pooh's Little Instruction Book

If we are to teach real peace in this world

Bullying is a plague just like any other horrible disease. It’s hiding in the shadows tell it can find you or someone like you with their guard down their immune system not working at full capacity and attack. And, once it knows your weakness it’ll continue attacking until you do something to strengthen your guard/immune system, and fight off the Bully. But, don’t let your guard down in the future because this disease will return.

Where do children that Bully others come from anyway, where does this disease get started? Do these kids, this plague, just wake up one morning with a mean-streak, a chip on their shoulders, a burning desire to torment someone?

I don’t think so-I’m pretty sure there created by the very people that have been put in charge of raising them to be loving, productive, functional adults someday. . . their family, and if the family didn’t create this plague on society than they certainly ignored the child enough for someone else to create it. Didn’t you learn your rights and wrongs from those around you? Your father, mother, and older siblings that set the living examples that you saw, heard, and felt each day.

What are the odds you will become a Bully if. . . . your father was pushy, aggressive, and a perfectionist, got his way with the air of a dictator, your mother got things done around the house by yelling and shouting threats of what would happen if you and your siblings didn’t obey, you’re older siblings got away with tease, hit, and torment you and your parents intervening with a shout to “Stop, leave your brother/sister alone”, and a back hand slap to drive the point home that they were serious. What are the odds, I think hugh, I think you have two choices in this family, join the Bullies or be the Bullied.

So that actually means that this child that has become the Bully, the disease, the plague on those around him/her, was once the child with their guard down, the immune system not at full capacity, and the people in charge of helping this child get better, and stay health abused them. This particular disease was cultivated in the Family Petri Dish the same way a germ is cultivated in a laboratory.

I think we have a giant problem on our hands;
a) We need rules and laws to protect and keep our children healthy from the Disease/Bullies that are out there right now.
b) Those rules and laws have to come from some of the very adults/parents that created the disease and are still sick themselves.
c) We need people willing to enforce those rules and laws.
d) Asking someone that is sick to help stop the very disease they have is like asking an alcoholic to cure themselves, very few can or do most of the time someone health has to step in.

What are the chances these adults (that have some form of the disease themselves) will admit their wrong, accept the responsibility and help stomp out this disease.

Slim, No . . . . Very Slim, why do you thing this disease has become an epidemic. That means just like ridding the world of Polio, Small Pox and other disease that have plagued the world the healthy have to step up and do more, do everything they can to make up for all the sick that can’t step up, don’t know how to step up, or don’t even see a problem.

Can the sick adults be saved, should we concentrate our efforts on them or the children?

I think Mahatma Gandhi said it best;
"If we are to teach real peace in this world, and if we are to carry on a real war against war, we shall have to begin with the children."

Stay Health and Strong
Pat

Report highlights seriousness of bullying News - Yahoo!Xtra News

What are we missing???

I found this story to be so fascinating that I had to post it - also for you skeptics, I checked it out on snopes.com and it is true.

A man sat at a metro station in Washington DC and started to play the violin; it was a cold January morning. He played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, since it was rush hour, it was calculated that thousands of people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.

Three minutes went by and a middle aged man noticed there was musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried up to meet his schedule. A minute later, the violinist received his first dollar tip: a woman threw the money in the till and without stopping continued to walk. A few minutes later, someone leaned against the wall to listen to him, but the man looked at his watch and started to walk again. Clearly he was late for work.

The one who paid the most attention was a 3 year old boy. His mother moved him along, hurried but the kid stopped to look at the violinist. Finally the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. All the parents, without exception, forced them to move on.

In the 45 minutes the musician played, only 6 people stopped and stayed for a while. About 20 gave him money but continued to walk their normal pace. He collected $32. When he finished playing and silence took over, no one noticed it. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.

No one knew this but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the best musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written with a violin worth 3.5 million dollars. Two days before his playing in the subway, Joshua Bell sold out at a theater in Boston and the seats average price was $100.
Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and priorities of people.

The outlines were - in a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour:
• Do we perceive beauty?
• Do we stop to appreciate it?
• Do we recognize the talent in an unexpected context?

One of the possible conclusions from this experience could be:
• If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world playing the best music ever written, on a 3.5 million dollar instrument, how many other things are we missing?

As adults you hear people say - I need to get back to my roots, get in touch with who I really am. Maybe all we're really saying is what happen to the child in me, when and where'd I leave him behind. And . . . how do I get my child back???

He hasn't gone anywhere, you're just to damn busy to play!!!

I'M PROUD OF YOU!!

I know I got your attention with those 4 simple yet powerful words. Take a moment and say that sentence, get a feel for how it feels to say that. Now go find a mirror, and look yourself in the eyes and say it to you. Say it again this time with more sincerity - not just in passing. Don't add anything, no comments, no nothing else just say I'm Proud Of You.

See how powerfully this simple sentence affects you when you read it, say it, see it being said?

OK when was the last time you said it to someone? When was the last time you said it to your children, How about your spouse? My wife said this simple sentence to me yesterday, and her words still echo in my memory.

If your not sure when the last time was . . .it's been to long.

I'm in Santa Clara, it's a Friday 5:00am , I'm at Ernie Reyes school on El Camino, I've just finishing my testing for 5th Degree and am on the deck standing in front of the judges. I'm sweaty, breathing heavy, but composed. Tom Callos says to the 27 UBBT members watching me test "I am so proud of this guy, you don't even know . . . ". That was over 4 years ago and it's still etched in my brain.

"Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I may not ever forget you."
– William Arthur Ward

If you’re using this simple little sentence regularly you are creating ties that bind people together forever. The kind of bond other people don't understand or believe exist.

One of the greatest gifts you can give people is to show appreciation for something they have done. You are thereby giving them support, which often is all they need to keep them on the path they have chosen.

How often have you had someone come up and ask you for encouragement? Most of the time we have no way of knowing when someone needs a little push, a little encouragement, a small sign that they are on the right track.

People don't ask us they ask God, so be his messager.

"Appreciate everything your associates do for the business. Nothing else can quite substitute for a few well-chosen, well-timed, sincere words of praise. They're absolutely free and worth a fortune."
– Sam Walton

We all appreciate a sign that what we are doing is good. Why not give it to others freely? All we have to do is think more about the other person than about ourselves.
But be careful. What I am talking about is genuine appreciation – not that empty smile accompanied by empty words. Not the quick sentence said in hast with little focus or sincerety. I'm talking about get their attention, look right at them, from the deepest part of you. . . "I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!!", or how about "DO YOU KNOW HOW PROUD I AM OF YOU?"

Taking Action:
Who have you Praised today? Make it a point to start thinking about who you are going to give praise to today. Plan it out, practice it a little, making sure the timing is right so that you have maximum effect and positve results.
Making this part of your day will bring you rewards beyond your ability to understand.
Hey. . . . I AM SO VERY VERY PROUD OF YOU!!!!

- Stay Healthy and Strong

Why Do Martial Art Classes Develop Great Kids?

Why do martial arts classes work? Why do teachers, counselors, and doctors recommend martial art classes for children having difficulty with Focus, Self Control, and Confidence? I have parents that have tried every sport possible and come to me as a last resort. What does martial art bring to your child that these other activities don't? You could say it's the rules, but all sports have rules, martial arts is an activity that teaches your child to have good agility, balance, coordination and physical strength, so do most all sports. The list that compares martial arts to another sport is long, but there are a few areas where there is a marked difference,

· a) Everyone gets to play.
· b) No teasing, name calling, and no one will laugh at you.
· c) You work at your own pace, your competition is yourself.
· d) Your mistakes are considered part of the learning process.
· e) Little goals turn into small successes.

Everyone gets to play:
You say all sports have this rule, especially for young children. True, but the feeling of being put into a game toward the end because your coach has to make sure and follow a particular rule has a way different feel than getting to kick and punch the bag just as many times as the kid next to me, who even your child can see is way more talented. Talent is not a facture when it comes to how much your child gets to participate in class.

THERE ARE NO BENCH WARMERS IN MARTIAL ARTS CLASSES!!

Also because of this policy your child will be given the chance to practice their martial arts in class much much more than if they are relegated to the 2nd or 3rd team in a particular sport. More practice of their kicks and punches means they continually improve and at a faster rate.

No teasing, or name calling and no one will laugh at you;
The children in our martial arts classes learn very quickly that if this happens in one of our classes 1) the class is stopped 2) we huddle-up for a mat chat 3) we talk about the negative issues around teasing, name calling and laughing at someone 4) the two children are asked to stand up, face each other, bow, and apologies made. 5) everyone is reminded that polite behaviour is part of their advancement, you can have the best kick in the school, but if you don't have good manners you will not advance. Class then picks up where we left off
Our martial arts class is a no tease, no name calling, no laughing at others ZONE - that we take very serious. Allowing this behaviour in one of our classes will completely undermine any positive gains we would accomplish, and is not tolerated.

You work at your own pace, your competition is yourself;
Young children learn quickly, retain information, accept their mistakes, and participate more freely when the idea of competition with someone else is removed. Your child does not need to be compared to another child to improve. Your child should not be penalized because their focus, self control, and confidence is not as developed as another child. Yet this is exactly what competitive sports does.

Long before your child needs to understand the concept of winning and lousing they need to develop their personal concepts - if your child is struggling with focus, self control and confidence issues putting them into traditional sports to early can be a mistake

A child needs a relaxed, fun, non-competitive environment to improve and hone skills like focus, self control, and confidence. An environment that has structure and rules, that make him responsible for improving himself, where reward is given not because he's faster, more agile, or stronger than another child, but because today he's a little better than HE / SHE was yesterday. By starting your child with this type of self-competition, he will develop the confidence and discipline that will be needed later if and when he decides to participate in sports.

Your mistakes are considered part of the process;
When a child makes a mistake you set in motion a natural process, that should be positive and educational, IF you simply refocus, make small changes, learning what not to do, continue with proper practice and the process will work itself out. When that process is followed through to its correct ending the child will walk away from the experience more confident and self assured than ever. Correcting one mistake simple makes room for the next one, its part of the learning process, not a statement of failure. Using your mistakes to move toward your goals is what a martial arts class will teach your child.

Little goals turn into small successes, small successes turn into big triumphs;
At our martial arts school the idea of Black Belt is important, most of our training is designed to prepare us for Black Belt testing and attaining that Black Belt is a hugh triumph.
This concept of "little goals create big success" process is what keeps your child coming back to class. Every time he shows improvement he's rewarded - it could be as simple as a "High 5" from his instructor, a new stripe on their belt or one of the best feelings in the world getting promoted and receiving the next color belt on his way to Black Belt.

So O.K. lets think about this;
You've enrolled your child in our martial arts class - he is now in a program where he's

1) Given just as many opportunities in class as all the other children
Remember - NO BENCH WARMERS
2) Not being teased or laughed at.
3) His only competition is himself.
4) His mistakes are considered learning tools, and
5) Every time he shows improvement he gets rewarded,

Oh Ya, and remember while this process is happening, as far as your child is concerned their just having fun kicking, punching, yelling and reaching their goals.

Martial arts classes work because they are the perfect atmosphere for the development of Self-Confidence, Self-Discipline, and Self-Control. It doesn't matter what level of maturity your child is at when he/she steps into their first class, martial arts is designed to improve the "SELF" in everyone.

For more information, or to observe one of our classes please call
Patrick Hoffmann 707-935-7118 or e-mail me or visit us at our web site http://www.sonomataekwondo.com/