Eleven Myths of De-Cluttering - By Gretchen Rubin

One of my great realizations about happiness (and a point oddly underemphasized by positive psychologists) is that outer order contributes to inner calm. But as much as most of us want to keep our home, office, car, etc., in reasonable order, it’s tough. Here’s a list of some myths of de-cluttering that make it harder to get rid of stuff.
Myths of Cluttering:

1. "I need to get organized." No! Don't get organized is your first step.

2. "I need to be hyper-organized." I fully appreciate the pleasure of having a place for everything, and perhaps counter intuitively, I believe it’s easier to put things away in an exact place, rather than a general place (“the third shelf of the coat closet,” not “a closet.”) However, this impulse can become destructive: If you’re spending a lot of time alphabetizing your spices, organizing your shoes according to heel height, creating 80 categories for your home files, etc., consider whether you need to be quite so precisely organized. I find this particularly true with toys—I’ve spent hours sorting pretend food, Polly Pockets pieces, and tea sets, only to find everything a jumble the next day.

3. "I need some more inventive storage containers." See no. 1. If you get rid of everything you don’t need, you may not need any fancy containers.

4. "I need to find the perfect recipient for everything I’m getting rid of." It’s easier to get rid of things when you know that you’ll be giving them to someone who can use them, but don’t let this kind intention become a source of clutter itself. I have a friend who has multiple piles all over her house, each lovingly destined for a particular recipient. This is generous and thoughtful, but it contributes mightily to clutter. Try to find one or two good recipients, or if you really want to move your ex-stuff in multiple directions, create some kind of rigid system for moving it along quickly.

5. "I can’t get rid of anything that I might possibly need one day." How terrible would it be if you needed a glass jar and didn’t have one? Do you have gigantic stores of things like rubber bands or ketchup packets? How many coffee mugs does one family use?

6. "I might get that gizmo fixed." Face it. If you’ve had something for more than six months, and it’s still not repaired, it’s clutter.

7. "I might learn how to use that gizmo." Again, face it. If you’ve had a gizmo on the shelf for a year, and you’ve never used it to make gelato or label a sugar jar, it’s clutter.

8. "I might lose a ton of weight and then I’d fit into these clothes again." If you lose a bunch of weight, you’ll want to buy a new pair of jeans, not a pair you bought seven years ago.

9. "I need to keep this as a memento of a happy time." I’m a huge believer in mementos; remembering happy times in the past gives you a big happiness boost in the present. But ask yourself: Do I need to keep all these T-shirts to remind me of college, or can I keep a few? Do I need to keep an enormous desk to remind me of my grandfather, or can I use a photograph? Do I need 50 finger-painted pictures by my toddler, or is one enough to capture this time of life? Mementos work best when they’re carefully chosen—and when they don’t take up much room!

10. "I need to keep this, because the person who gave it to me might visit my house and be hurt when it’s not on display." Is that person really likely to visit? Is that person really likely to remember the gift? Will the person really be upset by the lack of viewing of the gift?

11. "If I have any available space, I should fill it up with something." No! One of my Secrets of Adulthood is Somewhere, keep an empty shelf. I know where my empty shelf is, and I treasure it.

Living and Leading by Example

As usual my Taekwondo family, wife Barbie and my children have been more than just generous with their time, efforts, and love this season; writing letter to our Troops, collecting jackets for the less fortunate, and presents for kids that can’t be home with their family for whatever reason. These deeds are more than just being generous, they show the ability to Leading by Example, and have and is rooted in the quote from Margaret Mead;

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can

change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.

Here’s what they have been up to this holiday season:

Letters to the Troops;
Our student, parents, and friends from Facebook got involved with this project and we sent out over 60 letters to the troops in Iraq and Afghanistan. Our letters were added to packages and presents that Operation: With Love From Home was sending over seas the 1st week of December.

After having a mat chat about being grateful and appreciating the things we have and the people that make that possible our students got busy with their letter writing. From our little dragons to our adults with their pictures and words of gratitude, concern, and love for all our troops do for us.

Jacket Collection for Those in Need
I put up a flyer, had a Mat Chat, and Elaine brought in 2 coat stands, and within 1 week we had enough jackets and sweaters hanging on them to break one. Thank You to my students and parents – so far we’ve collected 64 Jackets and Sweaters and will be dropping them off at the shelter this week. Coat racks are empty again so lets get busy with our 2nd collection.

Giving Tree program
We hung gift ornaments on our school tree, each one representing a child in need at the Valley of the Moon Receiving Home our Students & Parents made sure that each child’s gift wishes were filled. Basket balls, MP3 players, Lego’s, Yugio cards & Portable CD players were just some of the great gifts orders our school was able to share. Also with the help from Charleen Price, Dr Michael Rosenthal & Dr Raj Anand we were able to also donate over 100 tooth brushes and 125 tubes of tooth paste.

Present for Los Guilucos Kids
Thank You’s and hugs for the hard work from our daughter Kim and the generous donation from Marietta Corporation, 130 gift packages of special soaps, shampoos, hand lotions, and cream rinses that would normal go to a fancy 5 star hotel got Christmas wrapped by Mrs H bows put on by Kadi & Danielle and dropped off for the kids that won’t be at home this holiday season at Los Guilucos Juvenile Center

Poem from "What the River Knows"

"The best six doctors anywhere,
And no one can deny it,

Are sunshine, water, rest, and air,

Exercise and diet.

These six will gladly you attend,

If only you are willing.

Your mind they'll ease.

Your will they'll mend.

And charge you not a shilling."

Wayne Fields

When Good Role Models Turn Bad

Our 24/7 life style that has become the norm gives our children instant contact with everything; funny videos on YouTube, A-Rod lying about steroids, an innocent entertaining game on Nickelodeon, and Chris Brown attacking his girlfriend Rihanna, sharing pics on Facebook with friends and family, Michael Phelps smoking marijuana, texting back and forth with their best friend, and now Tiger Woods alleged affairs.

As a parent it has become near impossible to keep your child from viewing or reading today’s news, and having chat sessions with their piers about the details. We all know that what your child’s friends say will carry a tremendous amount of weight as to how he/she will view the world, and react to their favorite celebrities go or bad.

I believe this is all very solid evidence that allowing celebrates to have to much input into our children's lives will back-fire. As a parent or grand parent we should be auditing what our kids think at the same pace the media is supplying them with every sorted detail of the most resent indiscretions of any number of celebs.

It is some sort of insane parenting that thinks we can lie when we need to, drink excessively because of stress or under the disguise of “letting off a little steam, we're just enjoying our friends" or express no opinion, (or even worse a condoning one) when a politician, minister, ball player, actor, neighbor, or relative does something that is just WRONG. . . . . are we of the thinking our kids are deaf, dumb, and blind??

I just shake my head at the parent that will chat on the phone with their best friend about the current celeb phupa, laughing and joking about it while their child is sitting in the next room, or in the back seat of the SUV listening and forming their own accepting or condoning opinion based on their parent’s conversation. Ask that parent if they think their Johnny or Sally was listening and everytime they will say "NO". . . . perfect example of insane parenting in action.

The Teachable Moments;

You’re taking your kids to school driving along and the radio updates Tiger Woods affair with still yet another women coming forward. You’ve talked about this a few days ago with your kids, and told them how upset, ashamed of, and mad you are at Tiger for what he has done, the bad example he has set. You’ve said it was wrong and will be turning off any commercial he is in. Listen Carefully – that was then this is now, repeat your words every time the media repeats theirs do so until your kids yell "OK, OK we get it please stop talking about this, our ears are bleeding and throbbing. We understand he was wrong!!!!"

Why do people have bumper stickers that say “If you’re not outraged about the war in Afghanistan and Iraq than you must not be paying attention” but have no opinion or outrage about the lousy morals right here in their country that are polluting our kids. And, mind you this pollution isn’t happening every once in a while, it’s happening every time the media updates the news, and it’s posted to your child’s RSS feed on their computer or phone.

Daily . . . we need to be the living examples of what we want our children to become.

Your child should have YOU and their GRANDPARENTS as their heroes, as the people they look up to, as the kind of person they want to become. No matter what occupation they choice to pursue, or whom ever they decide to marry your values should guide them through life. When your kids need to make the right choice it should be a no-brainer for them because you guiding principals are firmly planted in their mind.

Be able to look your kids in the eye and say, "that’s wrong, don’t do it", and be able to back it up with your past action. Be able to say "I didn’t do that", and if you did do it in the past, be able to say "I learned how wrong it was and don’t do it anymore. I was wrong to think that way".

Live the kind of life . . . right now . . . that you would want your child to live when you’re gone.

Not sure what’s right or wrong, not sure of what is an OK principal or value to pass along to your kids?? Maybe you never got any guiding principals as a child growing up, everything you learned was by trial and error, and fortunately you turned out OK. Cool – now ask yourself “do you want your kids to go through that kind of Hell”

Not sure what your values are or what your guiding principals should be?
Here is a simple way to get started;
Write the eulogy you would want your children to be able to say at your funeral, without stretching the true, or leaving things out, no bullshit, no lies or embellishments, just the simple truth of who you were and what you stood for when you were alive. Make those words into your guiding principals, and use them every time you need to update your kids.

Stay Health and Strong

Can You Guess What This Is ???

It is not made of precious stone, or metal, just thread.

It is not beautiful and vibrant in color, rather it takes
on all color, and after a while reminds us of the soil

found in a prosperous gardens, rich in darkness.

It is not to be worshipped, but begs the owner practice
humility. It is not awarded because of time, favor
or chance but bestowed after it is earned.

It is recognized by others who have one because they know the
journey, and yet it is respected by those who do not have
one because of the journey’s reputation.

It is indicative of the challenge that eventually conquers fear,
ego, and pride, but not mankind; a journey that builds
character and discipline, not monuments.

It is not exclusive but available to whoever wants to make
the commitment and see it through to the finish. It gets better
with aging and becomes threadbare because of continual practice.

It is an end that is a beginning, and brings to mind service,

self respect, and a celebration of the greatness mankind is
capable of. If I lose it I will not be lost, because it is
an outward symbol of an inward quest.

Catholic Cords, Cuddies and Bullying - Childhood Nightmare

Be the change you want to see in the world. - Gandhi, Mahatma
I’m going on 58 years old and have a bullying experience that has stayed with me for a long long time, a childhood nightmare you might say.

Kind of hoping by writing it down it will stop having so much importance, and to remind parents, teachers, yard-duty help and anybody in a position to make a difference to stop ignoring verbal bullying, stop acting like it’s not your job to step-in, stop saying kids-will-be-kids, and have the damn courage to be the change you are expecting from others.

A little back ground info first, our family of 6 kids moved to Santa Clara from Arcadia (L.A. area) in 1957, there my 3 older brothers and I went to Catholic school, but when we moved to Santa Clara my parents switched to public school. And with 6 kids and my mom learned early to save every piece of clothing that didn’t have a 2 inch hole in it, my mom knew how to sow so small holes were no big deal – just darn-it up good as new.

With that being said here it is - I’m in the 6th grade Jefferson Junior High, I’ve been growing like a weed and hand-me-down clothing from my brothers was pretty much the norm for me. So when my mom reaches into the bottom drawer and pulls out a pair of 3 year old, belonged to my brother Bob, Catholic uniform, grey corduroy pants for me to wear I thought nothing of it. Actually I remember feeling pretty good about these pants fitting me for a change, and having no holes that have been mended. Remember now Levys were the only pants a boy worn back then.

So off to junior high I go, get to the gate a few minutes early and am waiting for the teacher to unlock it, going to hit the playground running for morning recess. Up walks a couple of kids and immediately I hear laughing, I look around to see what’s so funny and realize it’s me. Understand I still don’t get the joke, why are they laughing and pointing at me, and than I hear “catholic pant eew you have cuddies”. I try to defend myself, but like most kids that have been bully victims words don’t come quick, or sound cool, and my come-back is as dumb as the pants.

I gave some quick thoughts to running home, but the trouble I’d get into from my mom for that move would be unbearable, and besides she wouldn’t get it or let me change pants and I’d be late for school. So in my head I go to plan B – and say to myself “this is an isolated incident nobody else will even notice”. Oh God was I wrong, - that was the most miserable day. I actually had a group of kids that spent the day following me around taunting me with a continual choir of “catholic pants” and what ever name they choice at that moment. They would pick me up as I walked out of my classroom and start right in. They actually recruit other kids (rather successfully) to join them as I went out for morning recess, lunch, and 2nd recess.

When my school day ended I ran home changed into my cut-offs and hide the pants. The next day, I wore an older different pair of pants, which they immediately found something wrong with.

The damage had been done, and until they found something new to tease me about or someone else to tease that was how my day would go. I learned to hate school, and consider adults with distain because of the lack of care or concern on their part.

When it’s time adults need to step-up, step-in and say something - be the courage your expecting other people to have – it will make a difference.

Amazing Grace Techno - Computer Controlled Christmas Lights from Richard Holdman on Vimeo.

Kid in Church

3-year-old Reese :

'Our Father, Who does art in heaven,

Harold is His name.

Amen.'

__________________________

A little boy was overheard praying:

'Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it.

I'm having a real good time like I am.'

______________________________________________

After the christening of his baby brother in church,

Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.

His father asked him three times what was wrong.

Finally, the boy replied,

'That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home,

and I wanted to stay with you guys.'

_____________________________________________

One particular four-year-old prayed,

'And forgive us our trash baskets

as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.'

____________________________________________

A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they

were on the way to church service,

'And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?'

One bright little girl replied,

'Because people are sleeping.'

_____________________-_____________________

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3

The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.

Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.

'If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,

'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'

Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,

___________________________________________

A father was at the beach with his children

when the four-year-old son ran up to him,

grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore

where a seagull lay dead in the sand..

'Daddy, what happened to him?' the son asked.

'He died and went to Heaven,' the Dad replied.

The boy thought a moment and then said,

'Did God throw him back down?'

__________________________________________

A wife invited some people to dinner.

At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said,

'Would you like to say the blessing?'

'I wouldn't know what to say,' the girl replied.

'Just say what you hear Mommy say,' the wife answered.

The daughter bowed her head and said,

'Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?'

Dealing with Depression

To be free of destructive stress don't sweat the small stuff and by realizing that . . . all stuff is small.
Author Unknown

December is Seasonal Depression Awareness month and with the shortest days of the year falling in December, this is the peak time for Seasonal Affective Disorder or SAD

My wife Barbie and I have come up with a good way of working through SAD, we know it’s coming, and we know we need to prepare for it, the cold weather and a change in daylight triggers a sort of thought process that we have come to understand well enough to not get to upset when it sets in. We realize like many animals that we share this earth with winter is completely different than spring, summer and even fall, and because of this it needs to be approached with a completely different focus.

When the weather changes we know we are also in for some changes both physically, and mentally and after many years of struggling have learned to compare those changes to what many animals do when they see and feel this seasonal change “Hibernate”.

Now please understand there are different types of hibernation, I’m not saying we are like the Big Brown Bats that fatten up and sleep from October until April, or like the Woodland Frog that finds shelter under leaves and dirt during the winter and freeze only to thaw out and wake up in the spring, or even like a ladybug that spends the winter in a state of sleep known as diapause.

No my friend this is what is called a True Hibernation and as much as I would love to fall asleep one month and wake up months later, I don’t see me being able to keep my kids and grandkids away that long, and I like food to much to miss that many meal. Think about it, that would mean eating enough at Thanksgiving to be able to sleep until Easter. . . don’t think so, not going to happen

No, our version of hibernation is more like the "Torpor" type, our body temperature goes down so we cover ourselves with layers of clothing our heart rate slows down because we are much less active (lots of time spent on the couch in the den watching reruns and napping) but unlike some hibernators we are able to wake up, move around some and the most important part we can eat a snack every so often, we have found keeping a black berry pie available on the counter an important part of our Winter Hibernation Ritual or WHR as we like to call it.

Most people think of the Bear any time you talk about hibernating, as the cold months set in bears go into their dens to wait out the ugly winter. Mostly sleeping during this time they will however wake up and move around, but (and this is a real important issue) they rely on the fat they stored earlier way back in the Fall, no no I think not, not my style at all. I personal like being compared with the Richardson Ground Squirrel instead of the Bear.

This little guy has the right idea of just how to spend the cold winter months, first thing I like is that as the weather changes he sends his children out to bring in the necessary food they will need. Instead of deep deep sleep he will wake up and walk around his den making sure his stuff is OK. And, the most important part of his winter ritual is that he makes sure to eat a little snack every so often, obviously to maintain a minimal amount of strength and energy. Now my friends that’s much more my style.

But the truth be told, it doesn’t matter what your style is during the WINTER month. I think the following is important to understand. Your NOT suppose to get as much done during this time of year, so stop worrying about it. Winter is different than the other three seasons, and there is a time of year when you are expected to slow down and go about your day with a different type of energy, it’s OK that you don’t get as much accomplished during the winter season.

So, with this information maybe you can look at winter from a different perspective than in the past, because stuff will always be there and our stuff is only as big as we make it.

Smile and Change Your Moment

Are you having a tough time, things not going the way you’re expecting? Maybe you’re tired, and still have quite a bit still to do. Been a long, long seminar and you still have 3 or 4 hours to go, picking up your child from school and realize you have some bad attitude left over from work, pulled into the driveway and know you have to be focused for the evening of family do. I have the easiest of ways to help that problem, The Smile for You poem.

"If you see a friend without a smile - give him one of yours" Proverb

Carry this poem on a small business card, or better yet memorize this little poem and when you need a little change in attitude to accomplish a particular goal, a little bit more focus to get the job done this will make a difference. A person always does a better job, has a clearer head, more enthusiasm when they have a positive attitude. Want to have some fun with this, print it on the back of your business card, and pass it on each time you give one out, watch as people take a second to read it and then smile – it works.

But, mostly taking a moment to pass the smile back to yourself when you’re struggling this is the best way to make an immediate change in your attitude.

Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy. ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

Smiling is infectious; you catch it like the flu,
When someone smiled at me today, I started smiling to.

I passed around the corner and someone saw my grin,

when he smiled I realized I’d passed it on to him.

I thought about that smile then I realized its worth,
 a single smile, just like mine could travel around the earth.

So, if you feel a smile begin, don’t leave it undetected
let’s start an epidemic, quick, and get the world infected!